What They Are and Why They Matter to You
Everyone that has been divorced, ended a relationship, or has had any contact with a divorcing person knows divorces are difficult to impossible for several reasons. At the most basic level, a divorce reflects love and hate and conflict and uncertainty for the future.
This blog post explores the most common dynamics in divorce so you can identify it and be aware of such in your divorce or that of a friend, family member or for general educational purposes. The key dynamic controls how the case will unfold: emotional, financial and/or legal.
In most cases, one of these dynamics will be controlling of how one or both parties act and respond to the process. The emotional dynamic is where one or both spouses are “hurt” by the sense of loss or anger at the ending of the relationship to its causes. The emotional components vary.
However, they are perhaps the most toxic of all. One spouse wants to hang onto the failed relationship or merely hurt the other and cast blame upon the other. These often drag on for a long time and alienate family, friends, the judge and attorneys. In these cases, they often come down to one party having no goal but to hurt the other.
At the least identifying this variable empowers the other spouse to understand that the process may take longer than desired. Moreover, it allows the spouse not fighting an emotional divorce to avoid pressure points or triggers leading to the divorce, such as dating, letting issues go, or accepting the protracted nature of the proceeding to follow.
The financial aspect of divorce may control one or both parties. In the classic case, one spouse has foregone a career or other significant life choice to support the other or raise children. In these cases, where there is not similar dual incomes, the working spouse wants to maintain his/her lifestyle and often justifies it by accusing the other of not working or undervaluing his or her contribution to the success of the other.
With the non-working spouse, he or she is likely not to be able to re-enter or enter the workforce and be able to maintain his/her lifestyle. This manifests itself in many ways, such as the desire for higher child support or an unequal division of property. Understanding this dynamic goes a long way to shortening the divorce. In other words, knowing what is driving the other spouse may shorten the process, benefiting both spouses and any children.
The final dynamic is the legal divorce, where one or both spouses merely want divorced to move on with their individual lives. Typically, each has a good job or source of support and just want divorced to go in a different direction. Where both spouses want this, the divorce is typically shorter and less costly in terms of time and money.
Understanding the controlling dynamic of any divorce allows a party or other person involved in the process to better understand the process and how it will unfold. This itself helps speed up the process or minimize the damage the divorce may cause. This is the purpose of this blog, which is written by attorneys at Ciyou & Dixon, P.C.
This blog is not intended to be a solicitation for services or legal advice. It is best thought of as an advertisement. Ciyou & Dixon, P.C. advocates practice across the State of Indiana.