It is not uncommon to feel unsure or uneasy about taking the step to explore a divorce. In society today, it has become common. Yet, it is still one of the biggest decisions in life to make and often significantly impacts more than the litigants, particularly their children. There are often feelings of guilt or unease as well as doubt and feeling like one may be “throwing in the towel” too soon or simply not trying hard enough. Some of this may be true at times, as there are couples who throw around the word and threat of divorce at every bump. However, we have observed several very real and valuable reasons that parties divorce. In this blog, we address five significant reasons to consider and explore the “divorce option” in order to decide for you and your family if this is the best option for you.
Abuse – Abuse of any kind either to you or by you toward yourself or your spouse should be a deal-breaker. If this abuse is directed at children in the household that should be a deal-breaker. Abuse can be physical, mental, emotional or even drug abuse or alcohol abuse that is having a negative impact on the family unit and home life. All forms of abuse need to be addressed and taken seriously. If this abuse has gotten to a point of taking away trust and understanding, and love between partners, it is time to explore divorce. If this abuse has affected children of the spouses or even pets and extended family, this is a time to start exploring divorce.
Stagnant Counseling- Endless attempts at counseling, both as couples and individuals is a clear indicator the future may be in a divorce. This may be church counseling or with a group or a doctor or any outside “mediator” who is trying to assist you and your partner in learning to communicate. If the union and communication are so desperately broken that months or years of counseling/therapy have not helped calm the waters or repair the cracks, it may be time to think about divorce. There is a point where you have tried enough. Often this can be the divorce where you walk away as friends, as the person who finally makes the decision providing the relief the relationship that is needed.
Resentments – It is sad but true that often throughout living life with another, a major event happens that can tear you apart or bring you together. It is important to recognize these moments for what they are. If a spouse has cheated, or even if you have, if a child has been lost and blame has been placed on the other spouse or feelings of being alone while married abound, it often becomes resentment; often there is no recovery from resentment and divorce is necessary.
Future Vision – Married couples are human even with the strong bond of matrimony, and as much as we may plan and envision what we want, that all may change. There is no guarantee that changes in what you see or want for the future will be the same for both of you. If both people enter a marriage wanting children for example, and that changes for one, it is very possible that this is a deal-breaker. This is a legitimate reason to look at divorce.
Finances – This is a hurdle that is often too much for marriage. If both parties do not have like-minded visions of financial health, there will inevitably be conflict and struggle. This is often not something that can change for people. Financial behavior is something that is developed from childhood on and is a learned behavior that is very hard to change. Not only that, but financial security is different for all people, which means that often there is no compromise to be found. This can cripple a relationship and is also a valuable and legitimate reason to divorce.
It is never an easy decision to divorce. Often taking the first step and learning what it means and what is involved in the process is the hardest. Do not go into this step blindly. Ultimately, with skilled counsel, there are many options and supports in place to help you navigate getting a divorce and if it is the right choice for you. Ciyou & Dixon, P.C. advocates handle domestic cases of all types throughout the State. This blog is written for general educational purposes only. It is not intended as legal advice or a solicitation for services. It is an advertisement.